Digimon - Agato 4: InnerDemons

Agato #4: Inner Demons

Something was wrong with Tai, but Agumon couldn't figure out what it was, nor could he figure out how exactly he could help. It certainly seemed to be related to Kari's sickness, but beyond that he was clueless, unable to offer much beyond standing by his partner and offering his condolences. And Agumon had his own problems.

It was obvious Tai was fighting "inner demons" in his obsession to cure Kari, but Agumon didn't know what the best way to help was because his own "inner demons" tied down much of his own emotional energy. These manifest themselves in mockery of his previous and current efforts to look and act compassionate, mostly to Gatomon as she worriedly stood by her recently found partner. Particularly in the wake of the unexpected gifting of the ability to Warp-Digivolve to Mega-leveled WarGreymon, any attempt to look caring and compassionate were relentlessly mocked by those inner voices - "It's not worth your reputation." "You'll look too weak doing that." "What would the other Digimon think if you did it?" "You're supposed to lead, not nursemaid!" - making him feel vaguely ashamed for even having such thoughts.

Things were quickly coming to a head; how could he properly help Tai with his personal demons when Agumon couldn't even deal with his own? He decided he needed to unburden his feelings to someone that could understand his situation reasonably well, maybe could give him a piece of advice or two. Problem was, only one seemed to fit what he was looking for: Patamon. And Patamon certainly wasn't the type to do "deep thinking", mostly he just flew around and looked cute. But Agumon felt he had to do it before he cracked under the stress, and no other human or Digimon seemed to be close enough to his situation to make a reasonable substitute; as awkward as he felt about the whole deal, he felt compelled to do it.

A chance came when Sora hastily called together a meeting to figure out ways to help Tai, who at the moment was almost catatonic and not even responding to Agumon's attempts to talk to him. Agumon quietly, awkwardly slipped away from his unresponsive partner, got Patamon's attention and pulled him away from the meeting; he knew that he would not get another chance to do this in the immediate future, that delaying further would only worsen the problem.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Agumon began quietly.

"Sure, I guess." Patamon replied with a confused look and something of a shrug.

"Well... it's about Gatomon... I'm concerned about her."

"Aren't we all concerned about her?"

"No, I mean... um... more concerned than everyone else."

"More concerned?"

"You've seen how Tai's been acting. If things get worse, both he and Gatomon will go off the deep end. Particularly Gatomon."

"Yeah, I've seen her. She wants Kari healed most of all, she won't leave her side."

"I don't blame her, but how do I let her know that we care, that I care, that she's not alone in her worry? You seem to be the one she likes the most, why don't you tell..."

"Hey, I can't do it for everyone. I can only talk for myself. Why don't you tell her that yourself?" Patamon cut off in a somewhat uncharacteristic serious tone, before smiling one of his cute smiles and flying back to TK in the group.

Agumon was alone, only his thoughts to work with. Deep down, he knew Patamon was right, but he couldn't... but if he didn't, then how could he...? He walked back to Tai, who hadn't moved a muscle since he left; Agumon shoved down his confusion and unease to avoid a public breakdown, but knew it wouldn't stay down for long.

That night, with Tai and Agumon sleeping in the same room as the sick Kari and Gatomon, Agumon's emotions finally began to breakthrough. While Tai had mostly exhausted himself with worry, Agumon tossed and turned as his conflicting emotions bubbled in him like a cauldron. Finally, he got up and ran a short distance away from everyone else before his emotions cracked through the facade he had put up.

For a period of time he later couldn't remember, he breathed in heavy ragged gasps, trying to stop himself from breaking down in tears as Tai had sometimes done. Agumon later called it "putting on Wizardmon's hat", a realization that he couldn't defeat his inner demons unless he sacrificed his desire to protect his image and freely gave help and comfort to Gatomon and whoever else may need it. A series of flashbacks to previous encounters with Gatomon ran through his mind, shaming him into an almost-total loss of emotional control.

In the space of a few moments that seemed like hours, he was crying, weeping in the dark of night as his pretensions and self-conceits shattered and flowed out of his soul in his tears. By the time it was finished, he was utterly broken, losing even the attempt to look unshakeable and wearing a concerned look on his face openly.

He pattered back toward Tai, Kari and Gatomon; he now knew what he had to do. He bypassed Tai laying by himself and instead stopped by Kari, snorting in her sleep due to the sickness. If the situation hadn't been so serious, he would've giggled at the snorting. There, in a small white ball curled up next to her, was Gatomon, apparently trying, as weakly as it was, to show that she "would stay until the end", continuing to uphold the vows she had made in the trials of rebellion and loss.

Agumon laid down next to her (something that would've raised eyebrows had it been seen by others) and put his arm around her curled figure. When she moaned and looked over, Agumon gave a quiet shush and smiled; he couldn't see it, but he was sure that she smiled back, the first one in a long time, before going back to sleep. Agumon quickly joined her in sleep, having defeated his inner demons by "putting on Wizardmon's hat" and accepting the torch that had been passed to him at Wizardmon's last breath...